25 Days of Cripmas: Accessibility? Fail!

Every cripple knows that non-cripples don't know shit when it comes to accessibility. I gave a speech to a Diversity class at the university last week during which I described some examples: "accessible" bathroom stalls too small to accommodate a wheelchair; automatic doors that stay open for 4 seconds at a time; ramps so narrow that when you finally make it to the top, you have no room to back up and open the door and thus actually enter the building. The latter issue actually used to force me to have to bribe my fellow students to enter Russell Hall for me (where Student Disability Services was, and still is, ridiculously housed) and bring forth an SDS person for me to talk to. I felt like that shady guy on the street in the trench coat, selling stolen watches: Psst. Kid! Hey, kid! I'll meal you into the dining hall if you go in there and get the lady in the 3rd office on the left ...

Things like this are such a ridiculous trend, in fact, that there is a newly-formed facebook page called "Wheelchair Ramps and Access from Hell." (CLICK HERE). Today's treat is a few of that page's photos.

Such as:

Apparently, you're supposed to get a big head start and fly off the end into the air. As far as getting back in the house, well .... no one thought of that.

This clearly falls into the category of, "When we built it, we were drunk."

That last one gives me a headache. Clearly, architects have no idea how hard it is to push oneself in a wheelchair. Add a slope, and even if you have strong, sexy arms like mine, you wanna die by the time you reach the top. I have developed a trick for big, complicated ramps: I just grab the railing and pull myself up the slope arm over arm like a rope climber.

Now, big, complicated ramps do have one good use: going down them is a blast. Let go and fly! Before the hairpin turn, jerk hard to the left and go over onto one wheel for three hair-splitting seconds! Right before you reach the bottom, give one big push on the rims and then THROW YOUR ARMS IN THE AIR LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE and see how long it takes you to skid to a stop. Stupendous fun!

Cripples get to do it, and the rest of you don't. We have some perks.